


Holy Grail

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: First Times, M/M, Other: See Story Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 01:31:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/792479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim finds someone worthy of his trust and overcomes his fear of intimacy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Holy Grail

**Author's Note:**

> The characters have not practiced safe sex in this story. In real life, please play it smarter than that. Feedback and constructive criticism of ALL kinds are appreciated. Many thanks to Grey for beta reading above and beyond with a story that's not her kink and general encouragement. Changes were made after she saw it, so any mistakes are solely my own. Speaking of kinks, this isn't mine, either, it's Jim's. I avoided writing this story for months, but the man started sulking and halted right in the middle of about ten different stories. He knows how to make a point.  I'm not sure how to classify this one. It's not really a PWP even though there is a great deal of sex in it. There's _stuff_ in there, too. If you're fond of William Ellison or Carolyn Plummer, this might not sit too well with you. Now that my notes are longer than the actual story, I'll shut up. =o) Warnings: m/m Water sports. No direct spoilers, although characters from various eps are mentioned. Some language, but I don't think it's excessive. 

## Holy Grail

by XFreak

Author's webpage: <http://www.e-fic.com/xfreak/>

Author's disclaimer: The Sentinel, Jim Ellison, Blair Sandburg, Simon Banks, Carolyn Plummer, William Ellison, Sally, and Dan Freeman belong to Pet Fly Productions and Paramount. No copyright infringement is intended. This work of fiction is purely for enjoyment and no money is being made from it. 

* * *

Holy Grail  
by XFreak  
XFreak1@aol.com 

James Ellison sucked in a deep breath, fully awake in the span of an instant. As he tried to orient himself, he figured out what woke him. 

"Damn. Ow. Ow. Ow!" drifted up to his ears, accompanied by the thumping sound of his friend hopping on the hardwood floor. 

Heart suddenly racing at the realization that Sandburg was hurt, he nearly hurtled the stairs in one step. Turning from them so quickly that he almost lost his balance, he barged right into his friend's bedroom without so much as a knock. 

Relief briefly crossed Blair's features as he registered the other man's presence and reached for him. "Jim," he almost whimpered, but made a manly effort not to. 

Jim loosely encircled Blair's wrists and strong hands latched onto his forearms. "What's wrong? Where does it hurt?" the older man quizzed. 

Switching from hopping to limping, Blair squeezed out, "Charlie horse... calf... usually goes away when I stand... not going away." 

Helpless to ease his friend's pain, Jim clenched his jaw, keeping a firm hold on him in order to catch him in case he fell. Blair squeezed harder on his arms, his limping growing frantic just before the tense set of his shoulders relaxed and he dropped his forehead onto Jim's shoulder. 

"Better?" Jim inquired, running a large palm over the tangled mess of curls shaping the younger man's skull. 

"Finally," Blair sighed. After a moment, he stepped back. "Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you." 

"Don't worry about it. Think you can go back to sleep now?" 

"Yeah, man, but you don't have to...," he began, limping toward the bed. 

"Wait," Jim ordered, grabbing his arm. His other hand settled on Blair's stomach, the twitching muscles caressing his palm, and slowly moved down to his abdomen. Finding the right spot, he applied pressure. "Your bladder is full, Chief. Better take care of it before you get back in bed." 

Blair jerked back. "Don't do that! You'll make me pee myself." 

An enigmatic grin shaving ten years off his face, Jim's eyes twinkled in the dim light spilling from the kitchen. "Would that be such a bad thing?" 

Mouth dropping open, Blair asked, "You into water sports, Jim?" 

"What? You need another chapter for your dissertation, Professor?" 

"More like another chapter in the mystery that is Jim," he tossed over his shoulder as he rather urgently headed for the bathroom. 

Breaking his normal cool assurance, Jim shifted from foot to foot, unable to decide whether to remain or head back to bed. He clasped his hands in front of him, then let them drop a moment later. 

"You going to tuck me in?" Blair asked, the limp still pronounced. 

"Thought I might," Jim answered, surprising himself at his easy flirtation. It usually set him on edge, tension rife throughout his body, concentrating itself in his balls and cock. Of course, Sandburg always made him feel that way, so flirting wouldn't really change anything, would it? 

Blair crawled into bed, pushing the covers aside and scooting over to give his friend room to sit next to him. "What are we doing here, Jim?" 

"Taking it slow?" 

"Why are we still dancing? I think it's pretty clear what we both want." 

Suddenly unable to meet his friend's eyes, Jim dropped his gaze to greedily take in the sight before him. A rare occasion, Blair wore only a pair of boxers, the hair on his chest and stomach as mussed as the mess on his head. Ellison placed his hand on the younger man's hip, thumb rubbing idly just above the waistband. 

"Are you going to answer my question?" 

Jim jumped, close to zoning on the texture of skin and hair under his thumb. 

Quick to reassure him, Blair laid a hand on his arm. "Sorry. What were you thinking about?" 

"We've been friends for four years, Chief. We've been dancing around moving further for a few months. If I were to just drop to my knees and inhale your cock, I'd be giving you the wrong idea." 

Blair groaned, pressing his legs together. "What do you mean?" he asked, his voice scraping the air. 

"It'd look like I just want you for sex and it's so much more than that. I want it all." 

"What if I'm prepared to give that to you?" 

Shoulders flexing, Jim pecked Blair on the forehead and stood, heading for the door. 

"Jim?" 

He tensed and closed his eyes, knowing that if he turned around, he would lose this battle before the first shot was fired. "What?" he barked, attempting to sound gruff. 

"Look at me." 

"Why?" 

"Because I asked you nicely?" his almost lover purred. So accustomed to following the demands of that voice, his body began to turn without his consent. His eyes settled on the hands resting on the waistband of the boxers hiding his heart's desire, thumbs hooked underneath. Those wonderful hands began to move, pushing the boxers down and his breath caught in his throat, oxygen suddenly too thick to draw in. Stars danced before his eyes and he leaned back against the wall, grappling for something to hold onto and finding nothing. 

When the dusky head peeked out, Jim closed his eyes again, forbidding himself to look, to be tempted by this devil wearing an angel's face. His ears betrayed him, tracking the progress of the boxers, scraping against thousands of curly hairs on their way down and off. Momentarily, they landed on the floor with the barest whisper of sound. Senses spiraling out of control, his breath sounded deafening, a weird sensation telling him that Blair's pheromones were affecting him, making him feel _really_ good, really _hard_. 

"Jim, open your eyes." 

He curtly shook his head in a negative motion, his palms going clammy and his breath evading him. When the hell did he catch Sandburg's panic attacks? 

"Jim, _open_ _your_ _eyes_." 

He swallowed hard, the threat in the tone clear. If he didn't do as asked, he would have 5'8" of Blair Sandburg rubbing against him, working his already overloaded senses into a frenzy of lust. He opened his eyes to find his friend still lying on his back, nerves apparent in the jerky expansions of his chest when he breathed. 

Looking at the other man's genitals, his pupils expanded, allowing him to take in more details than he should be able to in just the faint light from the kitchen. Blair's scrotum was darker than his cock, the skin a very light tan. Hair dusted the sac and he wanted so very badly to slide his hand under it, the warmth from nestling against his friend's body enticing him into taking one step forward. 

"That's it. Come on," Blair encouraged, as if coaxing a skittish horse. 

Jim licked his lips, glancing from Blair's balls to his face and back again. His gaze moving higher, he found a dense thicket of curls, close in color to the deep brown of his own. They cradled the hard shaft lying against the younger man's abdomen, the skin pale against the dark veins spanning it. The cock was thick whereas Jim's was long, and he yearned to wrap his lips around it, taste its essence. Staring at the head, he noted the rich burgundy color of it, clear liquid gathering down its length, gleaming in the low light. Licking his lips again, he jumped when Blair spoke. 

"You want to taste me, don't you?" 

Jim just looked at the younger man, feeling like steel bands rendered all his muscles useless. He couldn't move anything one way or the other, paralyzed by fear, yet desire so strong that it nearly flayed him into a million pieces. 

"I'm no sentinel, but I can see how hard you are, how much you want me." He dipped a hand and scooped some of the glistening pre-come onto his finger, holding it out to Jim. "Come taste me." 

Some elemental fiber inside him snapped, and suddenly he couldn't sink to his knees fast enough. He crossed the room in two strides, dropping to all fours in the middle of the second, sucking the finger into his mouth while still in motion. The flavor burned sensitive taste buds and he needed more just to survive. He swirled his tongue around the blunt fingertip, sucking eagerly, unable to find anything but the oil coating his lover's skin. Frustrated, he groaned and whimpered at the same time. 

Blair pulled his finger free, leaving Jim on hands and knees, chest heaving, eyes devouring every inch of bare flesh. Sitting up, he spread his thighs, setting them down on either side of his lover, inviting. "Do you really want to inhale my cock, Jim?" 

A moan escaped the parted lips. 

"Say it." 

His voice scarcely more than a croak he said, "I want to suck your cock. No. I _need_ to suck your cock." 

"Close enough." Blair reached for the back of Jim's head, urging him forward only to have him dip and nibble at his scrotum. 

"Jim, no!" he screamed, his legs lifting off the floor. 

The older man scrambled away, babbling, "I'm sorry." 

His jaw tight, Blair attempted to explain. "My balls are _really_ sensitive. You can never _ever_ use your teeth. Okay?" 

Nodding, Jim asked, "What can I do?" 

"You can cradle them, fondle them if you're gentle. Even that's almost too much, but at the same time I love how it feels. It's a blend of pain and pleasure." 

"What about your cock?" 

"You can do anything you want to my cock," Blair replied, a devilish grin showing small teeth. "But not my nipples. Anything more than a whisper of a touch is too much." 

"I can do whispers." 

"I thought so. Get back over here." 

Jim crawled forward, gently lifting Blair's balls and tenderly kissing each one before breathing, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you guys." 

Above him, Blair blinked rapidly, replacing his hand at the back of Jim's head and urging him higher. He chuckled at the irritated side to side motion that shook his hand away, the older man refusing to be rushed. 

Closing his eyes, Jim slowly pressed his nose and mouth against the wrinkly soft skin of Blair's scrotum, making a questioning noise. 

"It's fine." 

Relaxing, he simply scented his lover in the most secret of places, committing this experience to memory just in case things turned out badly later. Banishing the dark thoughts, he decided to enjoy it while it lasted. Sighing, he placed his arms over the other man's thighs, tucking the tips of his fingers under his ass to gain leverage. He finally pulled back and looked up at his lover, a question in his eyes even as his lips remained pressed tightly together. 

"What?" Blair asked, running a palm back and forth over the night-time whiskers of Jim's jaw. 

"Do you think you could handle a passion mark there?" he inquired, glancing at his lover's balls. 

"No," came the faint whisper. 

Disappointment crossing his features for a scant second, he schooled them and leaned forward, nudging at Blair's belly. The other man got the idea and leaned back a bit, bracing himself on his hands, spreading his thighs minutely. Jim nibbled at the base of his cock, brows arched to watch the response. 

"Ah, yeah." 

Smiling, he placed his lips on both sides of the shaft, his tongue bathing it as he traveled from the base to the head. Arriving without incident, he pulled back to lap playfully at the tip, pressing against the underside with his tongue to release more pre-ejaculate. Sucking it from the slit, he moaned, chuckling around the sensitive member when Blair bucked into his mouth. He opened wider, encouraging him to move freely. 

Sitting back, he gazed up at the dazed man before him. "You know, I never particularly _liked_ sucking cock. I just did it because, well, it was the thing to do." 

"If you don't want to...," Blair began, scooting back only to find himself held firmly in place by powerful arms and strong hands. 

"I wasn't finished," Jim said, the most open, tender smile lighting him from within. "I didn't like it until _yours_. Now, I feel like a junkie that's going to go into withdrawal if you don't give me my fix." 

Blair reached down and guided the head to rest against Jim's lips, evil glinting in his dilated blue eyes. "We can't have that. I have plenty for you." 

"Yeah," Jim agreed, dipping his head to suggestively lick once at the bundle of nerves just below the crown, "you do." He continued to fondle that sensitive spot with the tip of his tongue, watching as Blair threw his head back in rapture, thighs trembling uncontrollably. 

"Come. Wanna come." 

"In time." 

"Huh?" Blue eyes flew open, comprehension beyond them. 

"I want to take you somewhere I don't think you've ever been." 

"You wanna talk about a trip _now_?" 

"This kind of trip." Jim lowered his head again, wrapping his lips around the hard organ, the gentlest of slow suction driving his lover out of his mind, his tongue swiping those nerves on every upstroke. 

"Faster, Jim, _please_!" 

"Nope," he muttered around the shaft, then continued to control his sensual lover with lips and tongue. 

" _God_ ," Blair exclaimed, fisting two hands full of sheets and twisting, thrusting faster until Jim moved his hands up to still his hips. "Damn it, Jim!" 

At that, Jim allowed the cock to slip from between his lips, straightening his back to kiss him slowly, gently, hotly. Sliding his hands up Blair's sides, he smiled into his mouth at the ticklish shudder, opting not to take advantage of that bit of information. Flattening his palms, he simultaneously ghosted them over already hard nipples, Blair's thighs coming up off the bed from the pleasure of it. The younger man bucked like a fish out of water as Jim continued the scarce touches to the sensitive buds. 

"Unh, Jim, please," he pleaded against his lips. 

"Please what?" he asked, pulling away to take in the sight of his lover lost in a sensual haze. 

"I don't _know_. Please _something_ ," he whimpered, pressing his chest against Jim's palms only to have him to move back to reduce the pressure. "More," he whimpered. 

"More?" 

"Nobody's ever made me _like_ having my nipples played with. Please, just a little more." 

Desiring to please his lover, Jim pressed a slight bit harder, his tactile sense telling him when he applied too much pressure. 

"Oh, God, I think I'm gonna come." 

Jim stopped. 

"What the--?" 

He kissed his way slowly down his lover's chest and stomach to the leaking cock pointing toward the ceiling. Once again, he applied gentle suction, manipulating the sensitive spot with his tongue each time he passed it. 

"Please, Jim, please," Blair chanted over and over, his jaw tightly clenched, fists twisting the sheets again. 

Jim ignored him, wanting to make "Mr. Do Me Hard, Do Me Fast" float on a slow, sweet orgasm that made his limbs disappear on a wave of utter bliss. Giving in to the older man, Blair thrust slowly into his mouth, his own lips open in a perfect "O" as release gripped him. His hips fluidly moved, Jim relishing the salty liquid, the jerks of the solid length against his tongue. He continued to gently manipulate the thick cock until the last of the tremors passed and Blair flopped back on the bed, breathing harshly. 

Listening to his lover's heartbeat slow to the edge of sleep, Jim crawled onto the small bed and tugged at a lax hand. Blair sort of flopped over, but didn't do much more in the way of moving. Grinning, the older man pulled on him until he blanketed his own body. 

"Mmph," Blair grunted. 

"Sleep," he instructed, perfectly happy to exchange a cuddle for an orgasm. 

"'m crushing you." 

"I've had bigger men than you sleep on me." 

One blue eye popped open, the brow arched. "That's the most romantic thing anybody's ever said to me." 

Jim cuffed him on the head. "Shut up and go to sleep." 

Squirming a bit to get comfortable, Blair settled in, murmuring, "'kay." 

* * *

Jim's lips woke before the rest of his body did, opening to the tongue pressing between them. "Mmm," he moaned, grabbing a wealth of curls in each palm. 

"Hi," Blair greeted, his tone hushed, as he sat up. 

"Morning." 

"Almost." 

"Time is it?" 

"5:00." 

Groaning, Jim attempted to roll over, but found a heavy body straddling his hips, a round ass making itself comfy on his morning hard on. Deciding he could live with that position, he sighed as strong hands massaged his chest, then thrust himself against the enticing globes. The hands moved to his stomach and on to the waistband of his boxers. 

"May I?" 

Finally giving in and opening his eyes, Jim nodded as he lifted his hips. Blair quickly pulled the shorts down and off, throwing them on the floor to join his own. No longer shy, he cupped sweaty balls in his left hand, testing their weight. Wrapping his right hand around the long shaft, he squeezed lightly, giving an experimental stroke. 

"Oh, yeah." 

"Hold that thought," Blair said as he climbed off the bed. 

Jim grabbed his arm. "Where are you _going_ , you tease?" 

"Just to get something. Chill." He peeled the older man's fingers from around his arm and headed into the bathroom. 

Jim listened to him digging through the cabinet under the sink. "Come on. Where is it?" Bottles toppled and cans scraped the wood surface of the shelf. "Ah. There we go." 

Momentarily, he appeared in the doorway, carrying a white bottle. When he saw Jim inspecting it, he held it up, revealing the label that proclaimed "baby powder." "You're gonna love this," he declared as he re-straddled Jim and opened the bottle, sprinkling the cool powder over his torso. 

"What are you _doing_ , Sandburg?" Jim demanded, lifting his head to watch strong hands smear the smooth powder over his chest, gasping at the silken texture as a finger glided over his nipple. 

"Exactly." 

Groaning, Jim closed his eyes, enjoying the arousal that hummed along his nerve endings, all of them firing in random order. His lover continued to torture his nipples, surprising the hell out of him that it turned him on. The opposite of the other man's oversensitivity, he had never gotten much pleasure out of having them manipulated, but the powder sensitized them and he moaned, raising his hips and Blair along with them. 

"Okay, okay. I can take a hint." He picked up the powder again and dumped a huge amount on Jim's cock, pubic hair, and balls. The hair was almost saturated with it, the already smooth skin of cock and balls now slicker than silk. 

"Mmm," Jim groaned, gripping the sheets as he thrust into his lover's hand. Blair stroked him leisurely, almost at a snail's pace. 

"You like it slow, don't ya?" 

"Yeah," he rasped, pumping his hips and failing to increase the speed of the hand jacking him. 

"Jim?" 

"Mrph?" 

"I want you to bend your knees, spread them, and put your feet flat on the bed." When his lover did as requested, he scooted forward, pulling the muscular buttocks onto his lap. "Reach into the top drawer of the nightstand and get the white tube." 

Looking at Blair with dazed eyes, Jim finally registered his words and twisted to retrieve the tube. When he straightened out, he shuddered as his balls rubbed the curly hairs on his lover's strong thighs. He moved to hand the lubricant over, puzzled when the younger man shook his head in the negative. 

Holding his left hand out while slowly stroking Jim's cock with the other, Blair said, "Coat my index finger. Lube it up really good." 

Jim glanced from his lover's hand to his face and back to his hand. Shaking his head, he tried to clear some of the cotton soaking the blood from his brain cells. Pulling Blair's hand closer, he thoroughly covered it with the lubricant and held his breath waiting to see what he would do with it. 

Keeping his gaze glued to Jim's face, Blair lowered the digit and firmly pressed until the other man's entrance opened. At the steel band clenching around him, he froze, taking in the furrowed brow, the clenched jaw, and the stilled lungs. "You're okay, Jim. Breathe. You know I wouldn't hurt you." 

Taking a deep breath, he blurted, "Are you going to fuck me?" 

"No. You're too tight. Have you ever bottomed before?" 

Shaking his head and closing his eyes, he quietly sighed, "Never trusted anyone enough until now." When he opened them again, the smile his lover gave him made his heart float on a fluffy white cloud. 

"Thank you. If you ever decide you want that, let me know. Okay?" 

Jim nodded, concentrating on relaxing his ass. 

"That's it. Relax for me," the younger man purred as he continued leisurely stroking Jim's cock. 

Putting his full attention on doing just that, it totally caught him off guard how good it felt to have that finger probing inside him. His hands tightened on the sheets as he thrust back and forth between the dual sensations, ready to rip at the seams. 

Blair's tongue sneaked out the corner of his mouth as his brows drew together and he located the nub he searched for, then stroked. 

"UNH!" Jim screamed, lost in the spike of pleasure that threatened to split his cock in two and set his balls on fire. He bucked helplessly as Blair mercilessly petted the small button over and over, driving him mad by pumping his cock slower than a steady trickle of molasses. 

"Oh, God, Chief. _Please_." 

Grinning, Blair asked, "Please what?" 

"Just... _please_." 

He chuckled, continuing on as before. "Jim?" 

"Unh?" 

"I want you to let go of the control on your senses. Experience what it feels like to come with no inhibitions." 

"I... can't." 

Blair shook his head, curls caressing his neck and cheeks. "Don't worry about zoning. If you do, I'll stay with you until you're out. I just want you to feel how good it can be." 

"Need... another... chapter?" 

"I promise, Jim. This has nothing to do with my diss." Without dislodging either of his hands, he leaned forward and brushed the gentlest of kisses over the other man's lips. "I love you. I'm tired of hiding it. I just want to make you feel good. Is that so bad?" 

Shaking his head no, Jim roared as Blair manipulated his prostate and squeezed his cock simultaneously. Hearing, sight, taste, and smell all fritzed on him, the pleasure so intense that he almost could not draw in a breath. It lasted for what felt like hours, his body exhausted, sweat pouring down his face and chest. The excruciating tickle cocooned his balls, licking at his cockhead and refusing to release him. He shuddered, trapped in his worst nightmare while having his wettest dream ever. 

As the pleasure finally ebbed, he heard Blair's words. "...hope it was good for you, man. You totally locked up on me. Just relax." 

Next, he felt the soothing massage on his stomach, and blinked back tears as he remembered one time that his mother rubbed his upset stomach before she tossed them away like so much baggage. 

The smell of baby powder drifted into his nostrils and he sneezed, the scent soothing for no reason he could comprehend. Swiping his tongue over his teeth, he tasted the unique air of the loft and a minute coat of the powder there as well. 

Lastly, he opened his eyes and his stomach fluttered at the love pouring over him from those midnight blue eyes. The massage continued as Blair asked, "How was it?" 

He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. 

Chuckling, Blair asked, "Good?" 

"Mmm," he agreed, smiling as he looked down to find his cock clean and sleeping. "Tired." 

"You go back to sleep. I'm going to run a few errands." 

Tensing, he reached blindly for his new mate, not even through the afterglow before being abandoned. 

"Jim, I'm just going to the store. I'll be back before you wake up. Promise." 

"Promise?" 

"Promise." 

If Blair gave his word, then it would happen. He allowed sleep to drag him under, the smell and feel of baby powder circling him in a shield of safety and protection. 

* * *

Stretching, Jim groaned, and almost out of nowhere Blair appeared. A gentle smile curled his lips as his lover sat down and rested a hand on his stomach, prompting him to notice that the other man liked touching it. 

"Sleep well?" Blair asked, rubbing lightly back and forth. 

"Yeah. Get your errands done?" 

"Yep." 

"Good." He tugged Blair down for a lingering kiss, releasing him only after a long while. "Your bed's comfortable." 

"It's better with you in it." 

Grinning, Jim threaded his fingers through Blair's and left them sitting on his belly. "That goes both ways." 

"Can I ask you something?" Blair inquired, his expression revealing that he wasn't sure how the question would be received. 

"I really don't want to talk about my senses right now, Chief. I feel good. Let's leave it at that." 

"This doesn't have anything to do with your senses. At least, I don't _think_ it does, but it can wait until later." 

"What?" 

"Forget it." 

" _Sandburg_." 

"Okay." He caressed Jim's chest with his free hand. "What was with the comment about me wetting myself?" 

"Oh, hell," he groaned, draping an arm over his eyes. "You're not going to let this go, are you?" 

"You know I hate it when you keep stuff from me." 

"Are you sure you want to hear this?" 

"Why wouldn't I?" 

"It cost me my marriage. I don't want to lose you, too." 

"What?" Blair asked, his mouth hanging open and eyes wide. 

Jim huffed a huge exhalation. "Carolyn told me I was a pervert and needed serious help. She filed for divorce the next day." 

"Bitch." 

"Hey," Jim warned, pointing a finger. "We're still friends, you know." 

"After she talked to you like that, I can't imagine why." He frowned darkly. 

"People react badly to things they don't understand." 

"Okay. Shock me. What is so perverted that she went running to a lawyer and gave up the most honorable man I've ever met?" 

For a moment, Jim just stared at him, finding out that he wasn't the only guy around who opened up more in the presence of a lover. Then he swallowed and heaved a deep sigh. "I guess I should start at the beginning." 

"'kay." 

"When I was six, my mother left us. Dad never told us why, just that she left and wasn't coming back." 

Blair nodded, squeezing his lover's hand. 

"I always assumed it was my fault because I was a high maintenance kid with the senses and all." 

"It wasn't your fault, Jim. I know that." 

"How?" 

"If anyone is to blame, it's your mother. I know that sounds harsh, but someone would have had to kill Naomi to get her to leave me when I was a kid. Even then, I suspect she would have fought the grave." 

"You weren't a freak." 

"Hey." Blair lifted Jim's chin to look into his eyes. "Neither are you." 

"You might want to reserve judgment on that until I finish." 

"Don't need to." 

Nodding, Jim's throat almost closed up at the unconditional confidence. Clearing it, he said, "When she left, I felt abandoned. I started having nightmares and I wet the bed several times." 

Nodding again, Blair continued to give him his full attention. 

"Well, my dad wasn't having 'any baby living in his house.'" His inflection of the last few words gave a mocking copy of his father's voice. "So, when I was at home, he forbade me to go to the bathroom without his permission." 

" _What_?" 

"He told me that it would teach me to control my bladder, so I couldn't go unless it was unbearable and even then I had to ask first." 

"Fucking bastard!" Blair spat with such vehemence that Jim almost feared for his father. 

"Sally called him a sadistic bastard. She used to have me help her in the kitchen and send me to take the trash out just so I could go out to the woods behind the house and pee." 

"I always suspected that your father abused you, but that's just--" 

Jim held up a hand. "Don't get all worked up, Chief. I'm okay with it. I'm not carrying around any unresolved feelings about it." 

"How can you not?" 

"Because, as I got older, I discovered that I liked the feeling of being full. For me, peeing became an erotic release. I sometimes come from just that." 

"Really?" Blair asked, his expression intrigued. 

"Yeah. It's how I had my first orgasm. I held it as long as I could without hurting myself and then went into the woods. I took my clothes off and knelt in the cool grass. About halfway through, I came." 

"Jim, I'm sorry..." 

"Don't be. You're not hearing me, here, Chief. I _like_ it." 

"That's why you don't go to the bathroom often." 

Jim smiled. "It's also why it takes me a while." 

"So, what grossed Carolyn out about that?" 

"I wanted her to hold me while I went. She accused me of having a fear of intimacy, so I tried to share something with her and she rejected me." He shrugged as if it didn't matter, but the shiny eyes called him a liar. 

"I wouldn't mind if you wanted to share it with me," Blair offered, immediately glancing away as if he'd just asked too much. 

"You wouldn't?" Jim inquired. 

"It's just pee, Jim. It's not like you're asking me to drink it or anything." 

"Actually...." Jim burst out laughing at the horrified look on his lover's face. "I'm just kidding, Chief." 

"You asshole!" Blair yelled, yanking the pillow from under Jim's head and bopping him with it. "You're such a dick sometimes," he added in the most tender tone Jim had ever heard him use. 

"But I'm _your_ dick." 

"Don't you forget it, Ellison." 

"I don't intend to." With ease, he flipped Blair over and leaned his weight onto him. Holding both his lover's hands in one of his own, he pressed his knees down against the other man's thighs, spreading them. Grabbing the still open bottle of baby powder by the top, he turned it upside down and dumped a good amount in his palm. Closing his hand, he inched under the sweat pants until he bumped into the swelling cock. Opening his palm, he coated the shaft with the powder, gripped it firmly, and began pumping the length briskly. 

"Oh, God, Jim." 

It only took a few strokes before he could feel the bouncing balls grow heavy and draw up. He moved his hand even faster, focusing his grip on the rim of the head, watching a sheen of sweat bead Blair's upper lip and brow. 

"Oh, my _God_!" he screamed as he sprayed Jim's hand, his whole body seizing and jerking. 

Jim continued to jack him until the spurts ceased, pulling his hand out and wiping it on the sheets before gathering the trembling man into his arms. 

* * *

That night as they got ready for bed, Blair asked Jim, "Uh, how's... your... situation?" 

Puzzled, Jim tilted his head and pulled his toothbrush out of his mouth. "My shi-u-a-un?" 

Glancing away nervously, the younger man gestured at his groin. 

Mouth still full of toothpaste foam, Jim bent at the waist and looked at himself. Still not understanding, he raised his shoulders and hands in an "I don't get it" movement. 

"Do you have to go to the bathroom, Jim?" Blair asked, exasperated. 

"Oh. Oh!" He bent over the sink and spat. "I could, but I really don't need to yet." 

"Okay." Blair turned back to the sink and continued to prepare for bed. "How do you want to work the sleeping arrangements?" he asked, hiding behind the washcloth he used to clean his face. When he lowered it, he found his lover staring at him. 

"I assumed we'd sleep together, Chief. If you've changed your mind..." 

"Get outta here, man. I just meant up or down." 

"Up or down," Jim repeated, his expression saying that he knew he should get it, but it escaped him anyhow. 

" _Your_ bed or _mine_?" 

"Ours. Upstairs. The downstairs one is too messy." 

"Okay," Blair agreed, not even trying to hide his smile, which he saw reflected on his partner's face in the mirror. 

* * *

When they reached the top of the steps, Jim sniffed, his brow furrowing. "I smell vinyl." 

"Um, I put it on the bed when you were sleeping earlier." 

Turning to look at him, Jim asked, "Why?" 

"Hear me out, okay?" 

The older man nodded. 

"Your father made you feel dirty for wetting the bed, right?" 

He affirmed. 

"I want you to sleep lying on your stomach tonight. That'll put more pressure on your bladder." 

"And give me a woody." 

Blair grinned. "That, too. When you decide you need to go, I want you to wake me up and I'll hold you while you do." 

"You want me to wet the bed." 

"I bought some shower curtains when I was out this morning because of what you said last night, just in case. There are plastic bags on the chair over there. We can put the soiled things in them and then take a bath. No mess." 

"Until I have to go downstairs to do laundry." 

"I've got it covered." 

"You'd do that? For me?" 

"I told you. I love you, Jim. That means all of you. Kinks, too." 

The older man blinked, then crawled onto the bed and lay on his stomach, groaning at the pressure in his groin and against his bladder. "Where's the comforter?" 

"I took it and the flat sheet off the bed to avoid more mess. Do you want me to run down and turn up the thermostat?" 

"Yeah." He watched Blair disappear down the steps and followed his progress across the living room. Swiping a hand across his face, he swallowed the choking sounds bubbling from his throat, the burn of tears searing his eyes. Quirking a brow when the younger man vanished into the downstairs bedroom, he relaxed when he heard the process of changing sheets take place. Momentarily seeing his lover head back toward the stairs, he buried his face in his pillow, feigning sleep. 

"'Night, Jim," Blair said, ghosting a hand down his spine. He then lay his head on the older man's butt, curling up in a hairy ball. 

Looking over his shoulder with fond exasperation, Jim shook his head and smiled before dropping back onto his pillow. 

"Wake me. When you're ready." 

"Gotcha." 

* * *

Groaning, Jim awoke, scratching his face over the rough cotton of his pillow case. A second later, he shifted, his bladder a water balloon ready to explode. Moving _very_ slowly in the darkness, he saw his lover flat on his back, mouth open in a slight snore. One hand held in mid-air, the younger man mumbled in his sleep when the warmth of Jim's leg moved away from his shoulder. 

"Chief." He felt like an old man, afraid that if he moved too swiftly, he would lose his water whether he wanted to or not. "Blair." 

"Mmm?" Another snore followed the sound. 

Growing desperate, Jim grabbed a bare foot and banked on the fact that ticklish ribs also meant ticklish feet. He very lightly walked his fingers over the arch, grinning when his lover wiggled adorably. He repeated the move, then held on tight when the foot tried to withdraw. Determined to accomplish his mission, he tickled ruthlessly. 

"Jim! Lemme go!" 

"Well, it's about damn time you woke up," he groused. "I can't hold it much longer." 

"Hold what? My foot?" Blair inquired, sitting straight up a moment later. "Oh!" 

"Yeah, 'oh.'" 

Blair scrambled onto his hands and knees, unceremoniously flipping Jim onto his back. 

"Shit, Chief! Not so fast!" 

Straddling him, Blair supported his own weight as he tenderly grazed his lips over his lover's. Sitting back, he settled himself across the older man's thighs, laying his palm on his abdomen. "What's it feel like?" 

Jim removed his hand. "Don't. I'm too close." 

Ignoring him, Blair replaced his palm, applying gentle pressure. 

Pressing his shoulders back into the mattress, Jim arched his neck. "Chief, please." 

"Hold it as long as you can. You like the discomfort or you wouldn't have waited this long." 

Ice blue eyes flicked open, danger freezing in the depths of exposed truth. "You're such a pain in the ass." 

"Not, yet, but maybe someday soon," Blair teased. 

His cock hardening at the thought of so much sensation in his ass, Jim moaned. "Well, hell. I can't go with a stiffie." 

"Okay," Blair said, scooting higher until his scrotum found a home on Jim's. "Give me your hands." When the other man obeyed, he released the pressure on his abdomen and intertwined their fingers. 

Jim envisioned his legs over Blair's shoulders, the younger man flushed and sweating as he pounded into him. The imaginary grunts and speedy thrusts fueled his desire, the evidence leaking from the tip of his cock. 

From above him, he heard, "Think algae shakes. Think filling out paperwork. Think _pineapple danish_." 

With a disgusted snort, he realized that his cock was deflating. "Keep going." 

"Um, lemme think. Okay. Cigar smoke in your car. Casual sex." 

Jim groaned. 

"Okay. Maybe that was a bad one. Forget I said it." 

"He's making a comeback, Chief. Help me out here." 

"No pressure, right?" He chuckled nervously. "Okay. Wet towels on the bathroom floor. Experiments in germ warfare sitting on the coffee table. Books and notes and clothes cluttering your space." 

"Cool it with the bouncing. I'm bordering on pain, okay?" 

"Shit. Um... I've got it! Un-color coordinated leftovers!" 

"Asshole." 

"I'm not the one in trouble here, y'know." 

"Okay. Sorry." 

"How could I not think of this one? Dan fucking Freeman." 

Jim's cock wilted. "I can't believe you brought that psycho into our bed." 

"Desperate times call for desperate measures." Blair shrugged. 

"Well, it appears to have worked, so I forgive you." 

"It _better_ have worked," the younger man threatened, squeezing his lover's sides with his knees. 

"Are you sure about this, Chief? I could just go downstairs." 

"Let 'er rip." 

After several moments of silence, he said, "I can't." 

"Well, you're not getting up until you _do_. I'm here. I want to share this with you. Now, go." 

"I'm trying." 

"You're probably trying too hard. Try to relax." 

"Relax? My bladder's going to explode in about two seconds. How the hell am I supposed to relax?!" 

"Deep breath in," Blair instructed, demonstrating as if his partner hadn't said a word. "Hold it." Finally, he said, "Deep breath out." 

"Ready?" Jim asked, feeling the warm fluid travel down the length of his cock. 

"Go for it, buddy," Blair said, watching the utter ecstasy crossing his lover's face as a small trickle began to gather in their laps and run down their legs. "That's it. Let go and really _feel_ it. Don't worry about zoning. I've got you." 

The pressure release from his bladder almost orgasmic, Jim couldn't quite reach the edge and he sobbed his misery. 

"What? What's wrong?" 

"I'm right _there_ , Tiger, and I can't come," he whimpered. 

"Okay," Blair said, biting his lip. "Can I try something?" 

"Anything," he desperately whined. 

Blair sat up on his knees, took aim, and prayed that Jim would forgive him later. His stream landing a little low, he arched and it hit squarely on the sensitive head of his lover's cock. 

Jim howled, white cream spurting from his jerking shaft, his fingers clenching Blair's almost hard enough to snap them. 

* * *

Blair watched his lover float down from his orgasm, his whole body quivering from the force of it. Warmth suffused his chest at the relaxation in the normally stoic face, edging toward sleep. Deciding he could deal with a little discomfort, he lay on top of the older man, holding him, and then rolled them until their positions were reversed in a drier spot. 

Translucent blue eyes opened and tentatively looked up at him. After about two seconds, they grew hooded and ashamed. 

"Don't you _dare_ , James Ellison." 

Surprised, the older man glanced back up at him. 

"This was a private moment between the two of us. Nobody else will ever know. Don't you even _think_ about feeling embarrassed for sharing it with me." 

"Ever?" 

"Ever." 

Jim's happy smile and fervent snuggle made his heart flutter in his chest, overjoyed to have given this man the acceptance he yearned for his entire life. Everyone he ever loved had failed him, barring Simon and himself. Anything he could give him without compromising himself as a person, he would. 

"You're not mad that I urinated on you?" Blair asked, holding his breath. 

"Mad? I'm _grateful_. I was stuck in hell, Chief. I couldn't back up and I couldn't go forward." He looked down and gently picked at a strand of Blair's chest hair. "In fact, I was hoping you'd do it again sometime," he added, cheeks heating. 

"All you have to do is ask, Tiger," the younger man tenderly replied, stroking a stubbled cheek. 

"Really?" 

"Really." He chuckled at the unfettered joy in his lover's eyes. "Now, I think we have a mess to clean up and a bath with our names on it." 

"You bet," Jim said, bounding up from the bed and tugging at the corners before Blair could even manage to sit up. 

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Blair turned to Jim as he finished filling the tub. "Get in." 

Obediently, he stepped in and sank onto his butt, knees bent and spread. "Ah, yeah. It's just right." 

"Good." Blair joined him, dropping a folded towel under the water and positioning his knees on it. He took a moment to enjoy the view of the gorgeous man in front of him, head back and eyes closed, arms propped on knees. 

Clear blue eyes opened and moved unerringly to the younger man. "What?" 

"Nothing," he replied, reaching for the oatmeal soap they used because it didn't irritate sensitive sentinel skin. "Just looking." Picking up a washcloth, he smiled at the grunt before Jim leaned his head back and closed his eyes again. Lathering it as much as one could with that type of soap, he dipped it under the water and then brushed it over his lover's chest. 

"What are you _doing_?" Jim demanded, his focused gaze piercing. 

"Uh, giving you a bath." 

"I can bathe myself," he stated, reaching for the cloth. 

Blair placed a hand on Jim's knee, shaking it a bit. "Can't you just humor me if I want to spoil you a little?" 

"I guess," he huffed, bringing a bright grin onto his lover's face. 

"Close your eyes and keep them that way until I say so," Blair instructed, reaching out of the tub to retrieve a cup. He dipped it in the water and dumped it over Jim's short hair. Armed with a dab of shampoo, he stood up on his knees and began massaging his fingers over his lover's scalp, delighted at the appreciative groan. "So, how do you feel?" 

"About what?" Jim moaned. 

"Don't play dumb with me, detective." 

"I'm just not sure exactly what you're asking here, Chief." 

"About wetting the bed." 

"Oh." 

"Well?" he prodded, continuing to massage the short hair as his lover tilted his head, a sure sign that he was thinking. 

"I feel pretty good." 

"In what way?" 

"Kind of like I got back at my old man. Thirty years later, I'm still doing it and I _like_ it." 

Picking up the cup and rinsing the shampoo out of Jim's hair, Blair dropped a kiss on the fuzzy head. "Good." 

"If only he knew the monster he'd created," Jim quipped as the other man worked conditioner into his hair. 

"No monster, Jim, just a guy who knows what makes him feel good and isn't afraid to go with it." 

"You don't think I'm some kind of freak?" 

"No, I don't. I don't think there's much you could do to make me think that." 

"Glad to hear it." 

Smiling as he used the cup and one hand to rinse the conditioner out, Blair commented, "I kind of admire you, really. I don't think I'd have the guts to tell anyone if that's what got me off." 

Jim shrugged. " _You_ get me off more than anything." He pulled Blair to him in a loose hug, planting a wet kiss on the ringed nipple. "Can I open my eyes now?" 

"Yes, as long as you just sit there and let me work." 

"Knock yourself out, Chief. Knock yourself out." He leaned back and watched his lover bathe him, only muttering pleased moans and sighs until the cloth neared his genitals. Then, he unconsciously spread his legs and lifted his feet slightly as if he were a baby getting its diaper changed. "God, that feels good." 

Smiling, Blair let go of the cloth and wrapped his hand around the limp shaft of his lover's cock, stroking slowly. 

"Oh, yeah," Jim encouraged, gripping the edge of the tub, lightly banging his head against the wall. 

"He wants to, but it's just too soon." 

"Still feels good, though." 

"Want me to keep on for a while?" 

"You mind?" 

"Nope." 

Jim settled back and sighed as Blair worked his body. 

* * *

Lying on his back on the couch, Jim watched Blair bring in the laundered sheets, already folded, and slide the basket onto the kitchen table. The younger man made his way over to him and he took in the baggy sweats, rumpled t-shirt, and open flannel shirt. In a word, he looked irresistible. 

Tugging on the edge of the flannel, Jim urged him closer. "Come here." 

Blair kicked his shoes off, asking, "What are you doing?" 

Grabbing a hold of the younger man's arm, he ignored the question, pulling him down on top of himself, aligning their groins to rest lazily together. "Thanks for doing that for me," he said, pushing long curls back out of his lover's face. 

"It was no problem. I told you. I love you." 

Jim smiled affectionately, but inside he took a deep breath, thinking it was high time he 'fessed up. Digging his hands in deeper, the swirling strands wrapped around his fingers. "I love you back." 

"You do?" Blair asked, blinking in surprise. 

"I do. I fought it so hard for so long, but when you told me you felt the same way it was like BANG Holy Grail time!" 

Chuckling, Blair kissed the older man's chest. "I have a confession to make." 

"What's that?" Jim asked, flexing his fingers. 

"When I met you, I thought that finding a real honest-to-God sentinel was my Holy Grail." 

"But it wasn't?" 

"Nope." 

"I'm sorry to hear that, Chief," Jim replied, heart sinking as his throat tried to suffocate him. 

"Jim Ellison, the man, is my Holy Grail. Always has been. Always will be." 

Releasing those wonderful curls, Jim wrapped his lover in a breath challenging hug. "God, I love you." 

END 


End file.
